Oysters and Champagne
by Wicked Child
Summary: One should always pay attention to what one eats. Otherwise, one might wake up rather surprised at one's predicament. [5xR with implied 1xR, 5xS. OneShot]


**Disclaimer:** Well it does apply because no one would ever allow me to own an anime character or two (or more for that matter), let alone the anime itself. Except that I do own the anime, and it took me a damn long time to buy all the DVDs.

**Oysters and Champagne**  
by Wicked Child

His body stretched languidly, muscles protesting in their soreness as the young man slowly awoke from a seemingly enchanted slumber. He took pleasure in knowing that he was sore, his activities bringing back wonderfully blurry moments of ecstasy to mind.

The sun's bright rays were sufficiently dulled by garish curtains that matched an equally garish comforter that lay haphazardly on the floor. His eyes roamed around the room, noting a small bathroom, an even smaller closet, an ugly dresser upon which an old television sat, and a matching ugly nightstand. He was in a hotel room, and a poorly decorated one at that. What possessed him and Sally to choose this hotel of all hotels was beyond him, but it had apparently served its purpose.

Movement next to him and a soft sigh brought a smile to his face. He turned toward the feminine body, cupping her left breast and planting soft kisses on a delicate shoulder. Honey blonde hair obscured his bedmate's face but the sighs of contentment were enough for him to know all he needed. Or so he thought.

The woman turned to face him, a gorgeous smile adorning her pink lips before it fell completely into a small gasp of surprise. Shock traced its way across her face. His own eyes widened in disbelief. This was not possible. This could not have happened. It was a dream, a very sick dream.

_Damn that Maxwell for insisting I eat oysters and champagne._

The two stared mutely at one another, his hand still cupping her breast unconsciously kneading it in his discomfort and growing agitation. The silence was deafening.

"You're not Sally," he finally uttered, disbelief lacing each word.

"You're not Heero," she replied unable to keep her shock at bay. "And you're still holding my breast Chang Wufei."

Wufei immediately released the soft mound, subconsciously regretting the action. "How…? How the hell did we end up like this?"

"I don't know and at the moment I don't care to know. I am however going to take a shower before calling my retainer to pick me up."

Wufei watched as she walked into the small bathroom, doing her best to keep covered. A moment later his mobile phone rang.

"Chang."

"Turn on the television. Channel Five."

"What will I see Barton?"

"Channel Five." A hint of amusement tinted the part-time Preventer's voice.

Wufei did as instructed and sat transfixed at the broadcast, his mind dulled by the news.

_'It has now been confirmed that Vice Foreign Minister Relena Dorlian has in fact married top Preventer agent Wufei Chang over the weekend. The couple has since disappeared on what many speculate as their honeymoon while others feel the couple have gone into hiding. Their absence as created an uproar within the ESUN as well as Preventer headquarters.'_

The broadcast continued, going on location to Relena's office, but Wufei barely noticed. A male cleared his throat next to his ear, informing him that Barton was still on the phone.

"Is this for real?" he asked weakly.

"It would seem so. Documents and Records have examined the marriage certificate and came to the conclusion that it is in fact genuine. Interrogations of the chapel personnel indicate that the two of you were extremely willing participants." Barton paused, a wry grin on his lips as he added, "The pictures taken at the ceremony would suggest the same."

"I have no recollection of last night."

There was a pregnant pause before Barton said, "Wufei it isn't Saturday or even Sunday. It's Thursday. You and Relena have been missing since last Friday."

Wufei was silent, too stunned to speak. On the television he saw the live footage of Relena's office swarming with Preventer agents and news crews. He saw Barton talking on his mobile phone.

"You're at the Minister's office?"

Wufei watched as Trowa nodded on T.V. "Yes and I'm not the only one."

Seconds later a stony face Heero Yuy emerged from Relena's office. His jaw set and a dangerous looking calm in his blue eyes. He muttered something to Barton who simply nodded once.

"I've got to go."

A scream emanated from the bathroom. The memory of a soft warm breast came to mind.

"What the hell was that?" Barton demanded.

"I think my missus just found out." On the television Wufei saw Barton smirk.

"I do not envy you my friend." Barton then hung up and turned toward Yuy.

At the same moment the door to the bathroom flew open revealing a wet and barely covered Relena Peacecraft Dorlian Chang. The stricken look on her face almost comical. For once the born politician was speechless and could only manage raising her left hand. Wufei silently echoed her movement, both seeing a matching set of gold wedding bands on their left ring fingers.

"Are you serious?" she asked still disbelieving.

"It would appear that way." Wufei turned his eyes to the television set, startled to see Heero looking straight into the camera, a murderous gleam having replaced the dangerous calm in his eyes. _He knows where we are. Damn that Barton._

"Wufei?"

The Chinese man looked over at his wife standing at the edge of the bed, a tear sliding down her cheek. He'd be lying if he said it didn't break his heart. "Yes?"

"What was in those oysters?" It was the only thing she could think of that made the two of them momentarily insane. She knew it couldn't have been the champagne as she didn't drink often and when she did she never allowed herself to even buzz.

"I don't know Relena. But I believe the after effects are fatal, at least for me. Heero's on his way."

_Ze End_

* * *

**AN:** This was originally written in July of 2004 for the gw500 LiveJournal community challenge 'the morning after.' I, um, went over the 500 words by 436. I did some quick editting so there it's a bit longer than 936 now. Heh... Regardless I had contemplated, after some nudging, to make this into something more but I think I may just leave it as is. 


End file.
